Santa doesn’t get special treatment in the first episode of season 1, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire,” which was titled onscreen as “The Simpsons Christmas Special.” The episode premiered on Dec. 17, 1989, when the world still treated Father Christmas with respectful kid’s gloves. “There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa,” says Bart, who never wears mittens, not even in winter. Little did he know, but his father would live up to that bit of foreshadowing in ways no one, except for writer Mimi Pond, could have seen coming.
Sideshow Bob slips his oversized feet through the padded pants in “Bobby, It’s Cold Outside.” Written by Jeff Westbrook and John Frink, season 31’s tenth episode sets Robert Underdunk Terwilliger Jr., Ph.D., up to be the holiday villain because more merchandise is being stolen at the mall than being wrapped up to go. But, having ditched his solitary lightkeeper’s job to sit down for the little guy and speak truth to power when it plops in his lap, Sideshow Bob finds Christmas spirit at the bottom of his bag of toys. Not that that pardons him from the mall crimes.
Bart gets a first-hand view of the workshop in “The Fight Before Christmas,” from season 22. It’s only a dream sequence but the men in the Simpson family always seem to live out their dreams. Bart only took the job to kill Santa for not bringing him a dirt bike three Christmases ago. He’d previously fantasized about killing Santa in “The Front” from the fourth season. Bart points a machine gun at Santa Claus, tells him to hit the ground and hijacks his sleigh. Krusty the Clown plays Santa in the dream sequence from “The Fight Before Christmas” (Krusty also got to play Santa in “Behind the Laughter” from season 11), and kvetches about the diminishing returns of presents for cookies. It’s just not a sustainable business model. Bart lets Santa off the hook, and Santa throws a party in honor of how stupid kids can be.
But Abe does.
Abraham Simpson is not known for his follow-through. But he is infamous for his interminable tales of woe and confusion. One of those confusions has to do with the time Abe was stranded with Monty Burns on a deserted island as World War II was coming to an end. The way Abe tells it, Santa was flying over the island on Christmas Eve when Burns shot down his sleigh thinking it was German issue. After learning who it is, they help Santa repair his sleigh. They round up all the reindeer but Rudolph and Prancer. While Abe is herding in Prancer, Burns bashes Santa on the head with a coconut, and takes off in the sleigh with all the presents. Abe mounts Prancer to catch up with the airborne Burns, throttles him with a tricycle, and brings the leigh in for a safe landing. A grateful Santa promises to come back for the stranded soldiers when he’s done delivering presents.
Santa never came back. He wanted to, but kept putting it off until, well, it just got embarrassing. He does continue delivering presents to Grampa, including the lucky watch his brother was wearing when his plane went down in World War II. All is forgiven when Santa tells Abe his brother survived the air attack, and is happily living with his 50 wives in Tahiti, where his plane went down. Abe forgave him enough to play Santa in his telling of the origins of Christmas traditions. Whether Santa Claus forgave Abe for that we don’t know
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