The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, pioneered 3D video gaming, and—along with Super Mario 64—set the standard for all 3D games coming after it. The game is indisputably one of the greatest of all time, and still remains fresh nearly twenty years later.
Taking place in the mythical land of Hyrule, the game follows one of the incarnations of the hero Link, who rescues one of the incarnations of the princess Zelda from one of the incarnations of the evil Ganon. Their conflict centres around the Triforce, a powerful object made by the three goddesses—Faroe, Din and Nayru— after their creation of the world. Each one of the three main characters controls one third of this Triforce: Link holds the Triforce of Courage, Zelda the Triforce of Wisdom, and Ganon the Triforce of Power.
This game, its simple but entrancing storyline, and its second-to-none gameplay formed an integral part of many of our childhoods. However, there is quite a lot within the game that isn’t really appropriate for the kids who formed the majority of the game’s player-base, and—though we may not have noticed it then—we can go back to the game as adults and appreciate how screwed up some stuff in the game really was. Here are just a few of such inappropriate moments in the N64 classic.
20 Link Commits War Crimes
Link is summoned to begin his quest as the Hero of Time by the Great Deku Tree, yanking him out of a quiet, idyllic life as a carefree Kokiri child in the forest and into a tumultuous life of travel, battle and little rest. The learning curve for our hero is quite steep from the very start, both in terms of raw skill and emotional numbness. Before he has even left the forest, Link must go inside the Deku Tree and battle his way down into the roots in order to end the monster that is infecting him, Gohma. But this first boss battle of the game is dark in nature. During the battle, Gohma lays eggs, and the babies will attack Link. In order to win the battle, Link must hack these children apart in front of their mother. It is a grim way for our hero to start his journey, and probably got rid of any innocence.
19 Hyrule’s Dark Past
If Link did have any innocence left after that, it is definitely gone long before his adventure reaches its end—especially during his quest to obtain the Shadow Medallion, which is remembered as one of the bloodiest chapters in the Zelda series. Link must travel through blood-splattered chambers, complete with realistic looking racks, chains and skeletons, while ghosts whisper vague but disturbing hints about what might have gone there. On top of that, he must dodge spikes and knives, all the while always having to fear invisible enemies and pits. This stuff gets scarier than some survival horror games. As is the case with the Great Fairy, I’m unclear why some of this stuff didn’t bump the game’s rating to to ‘T,’ at least.
18 Why Kids Aren’t Allowed Out After Dark
There is something more subtly inappropriate connected with the Karariko Graveyard Link encounters long before embarking on the quest for the Shadow Medallion: the gravedigger Dampé and his “tours.” Dampé is a strange old man who lived in a shack in the graveyard when Link is a child. For a fee, he will take the young boy on “Dampé’s Heart-Pounding Gravedigging Tour.” This involves showing Link around the cemetery, digging up any grave that Link likes and giving the child whatever of value buried with the deceased that they find. I don’t think I need to point out that there is something terribly wrong with a creepy old man meeting children in a graveyard and night and charging them to vandalize the graves—and no wonder the spirits of the area are so angry and unsettled.
17 “People Are Disgusting”
There are plenty of other strange people who come out of the woodworks of Kakariko Village at night. One of these strange types is Grog, the son of the the head carpenter. Pale, gaunt and sullen, he is probably whatever the Hyrulean equivalent of a goth would be called. Link can find him sitting against a tree near the centre of town, brooding on how “people are disgusting,” including “his own parents.” He ends by telling Link that he “must be disgusting too!” It is an extremely jarring and inexplicable encounter that does not serve any purpose to the game, or even get clarified, for quite awhile. The player is just left to wonder what kinds of disturbed darkness lurks unknown in the minds of Hylians just underneath the fairly family-friendly exterior.
16 Link The Mule
It is awhile before any explanation of Link’s encounter with Grog is offered, but the character later forms the core of a side quest undertaken by an older Link—as part of the wider trading chain leading to obtaining Biggoron’s Sword. In the intervening years, Grog has left his family and run away to the Lost Woods. His sister, Anju, asks Link to bring her brother his favourite Cucco, who had not crowed since its owner left. When Link finds Grog, he will be asked to take a magic forest mushroom to Granny in Kakariko to make an “odd potion” to bring back. Grog, in other words, is a user as well as a misanthrope—although this is not directly stated, the vagueness of what the potion is for is kind of a dead giveaway—thus making him probably the single most child-inappropriate character in Zelda history.
15 Father Of The Year
There is actually quite a lot of family disfunction going on in Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule. Take, for example, the relationship between the owner of Lon Lon Ranch, Talon and his daughter Malon. Talon—jovial and fun loving but a terrible father—abandons his daughter to fend for herself twice over the course of their game, and Link has to step in and fix the situation on both occasions. The first time, Link finds Malon alone at the Castle Town’s Market. She will tell him that her father went to the castle to make a delivery of milk, but never came back. Link then finds Talon asleep next to the crates he was supposed to deliver. The second time involves him leaving her to behind to fend for herself when he loses control of his ranch, rather than staying to defend his family. While Talon is presented as comic relief in the game, child abandonment is not really something to laugh at.
14 The Man Standing Up Against The Man
Link can find many more unsettling details of Hylian life by nosing around the Castle Town’s Market. For example, if he goes into the guard station right inside the town gates, he will find a solitary guard there among a sea of breakable pots. This area is probably most remembered for these pots—it is a wonderful place to blow off some steam by breaking every last one of them, and you can make some money by collecting the rupees that come out, and the guard would actually seem to approve of such chaos. If Link speaks to him, he tells link that “things would be a lot more interesting if there were more … troubles in the world.” He then asks Link to keep this deeply unprofessional opinion just between the two of them.
13 Eye Candy For One Eye
The anarchist guard is gone when Link visits the same gatehouse as an adult, and has been replaced by an creepy hooded figure with one red eye. This strange individual runs a business buying and selling poe souls, and Link can obtain an empty bottle by hunting big poes for it. This figure is an unnerving presence which serves to introduce the kind of changes that have gone on in Hyrule since Ganondorf has taken over. If Link speaks to this person, it will tell Link that it could be doing something other than dealing in poes: “If I looked as good as you,” it tells Link, “I could run a different kind of business… Heh heh heh…” One could guess what kind of “business” this person might be thinking of.
12 They Probably Shouldn’t Let Her Be A Sage, Actually
The one-eyed hooded being being in the gatehouse is not the only person in the game who remarks that Link is “handsome.” Near the end of his journey, Link must travel to the Spirit Temple, hidden deep in the desert, in order to retrieve the spirit medallion. When he goes there as a child, he will meet Nabooru, who asks Link to retrieve Silver Gauntlets for her, promising that she will “do something great” for him in exchange. She is captured by Twinrova before she is able to fulfill that promise, however, and we never learn what exactly she meant. But when Link returns as an adult and sees her again, she tells him that is “a handsome man” and that she for that reasons wishes she had fulfilled her promise years earlier. This implies that she was physically attracted to the child Link and had intended to offer him favours.
11 Way Too Much Information
More suggestions of being creepy towards children can be found back at the Castle Town Market. Among the many citizens milling around the market square, Link can find a pair of lovers dancing a tight circle close to the fountain. This couple—actually named Honey and Darling, at least when they appear again in Majora’s Mask—are transfixed with each other, and exchange sweet nothings to each other. The woman, Honey, compliments her man by telling him that he is “more handsome than the King of Hyrule.” This is flattering, of course, if somewhat generic as flattery goes. Darling’s compliment to Honey, however, is a touch more disturbing. He tells her that she is “more beautiful than Princess Zelda.” Zelda, however, is ten years old, implying that he considers a child to be a standard of romantic attraction. This is not exactly the kind of sentiment he should be voicing in public.
10 Link The Cad
Link gets quite a lot of attention from the ladies in Ocarina of Time. As a child, Link rescues the Zora Princess Ruto from inside Jabu Jabu’s Belly, and his reward for this task is the Zora’s Sapphire. Upon receiving it, Ruto informs him that Link, because he possess the sapphire, is now her fiancé. Link ignores this as he goes on to bring the sapphire back to Temple of Time and leaves it there. When he meets Ruto again as an adult, she reprimands hm for making her wait so long, but forgives him before telling them that they cannot be together while she is a sage. Link, kind of a callous jerk in this moment, does not actually remember what she’s talking about. This is surprisingly jerkish behaviour for a supposed hero, and he is not being a very good role model.
9 A Bit Of Fanservice
Actually, let’s talk a bit more about Princess Ruto—specifically her adult character design. Like all Zoras, Ruto is always completely unclothed. But unlike most other Zoras, Ruto is, how shall we say, physically gifted. Her appearance, with an alluring pose, is seductive. Add to this the knowledge that this woman is in love with the character we are playing as, and that she is actually engaged to him, and we have some decent fantasy fodder for a generation of young straight male gamers. I’m sure parents really appreciated this bonus when they found out its existence in the game they bought their child for Christmas. They at least gave her clothes when she appeared again in the Hyrule Warriors spin-off game.
8 Princess With Low Self-Esteem
Ruto does profess to love Link, and there is no reason to doubt that she really does, but he actually treated her awfully during the brief period they spent together as children. True, he did rescue her from Jabu-Jabu’s Belly, but he didn’t do it very gently or lovingly. After locating Ruto within the innards of the giant fish, Link uses her sort of like a movable block while completing the rest of the dungeon, using her to activate switches and throwing her around to knock out enemies. Link is able to throw her off ledges, causing her to scream in terror, and even drown her by tossing her into deep water (although you wouldn’t think this would be a problem for a Zora). If Link treated a real person the way he treats Ruto, he would be considered an attacker, yet here he is being presented as a hero.
7 Do We Really Want To Think That Hard About This?
Let’s talk about Jabu-Jabu’s Belly as an area for a moment, because it is completely disgusting. The dungeon is literally the inside of something’s body, and Nintendo made sure we’re all aware of it. The doors between rooms, rather than being doors, are actually sphincters—and the rooms, well, are vital organs. The walls move and seethe around Link, reminding you that you are inside of a living being. Link is able to slash at Jabu-Jabu’s innards, and blood comes out accompanied by an unpleasant squelching noise. Altogether, this is a very graphic, and kind of disturbing, representation which Nintendo clearly put a lot of work into making realistic. Much like the Shadow Temple and associated areas, the final effect is quite gruesome and unsettling.
6 Hero With Blood On His Hands
Nintendo remains dedicated to graphically realistic depictions of bodily functions throughout the whole game. One particularly gross example is found at the game’s very end, during and after the end of Link’s battle with Ganondorf at the top of his tower. When Link defeats the evil King, Ganondorf begins coughing up blood and drops to the floor. He spends the entire time Link and Zelda are escaping his collapsing lair choking and emitting screams. The volume of his death throes does not decrease no matter how far away Link and Zelda get. Thus the player has the privilege of spending the entire sequence listing to the villain they just battled die, while they brood upon how violent their heroics actually are. Some pretty heavy stuff.
5 More Like, The Village People
If Link goes to Kakariko Village as a child, he will encounter a team of carpenters who are working on building a new structure near the centre of the village. Watching them walk around doing their work in a mincing way, it might occur to you that there is something… different about them. Your suspicions will probably be confirmed when you hear them call Link “cute.” The Hero of Time will encounter the same carpenters again years later in Gerudo Valley. They went there to work, but ran away to join the all-female Gerudo, apparently undeterred by the obstacle of their gender. Link must then break into the Gerudo’s Fortress in order to rescue them. This is something he is much more used to doing for damsels in distress.
4 Link, The Little Hustler
One thing that Ocarina of Time is particular famous for is its wide array of mini-games. For a small fee, Link is able to try his hand at various games of skills and chance scattered across the land of Hyrule. Link is able to win item upgrades, heart pieces, and cold, hard rupees by playing these games. But a few of the games that offer primarily monetary awards qualify as gambling. These games are accessible to Link as a child, and nobody tries to stop the young hero from participating in the adult-only activity. He also cheats. I wonder how many present-day gamblers got their first taste of lady luck’s pleasant touch in Hyrule on the Nintendo 64?
3 Partying Until They Literally Drop
Link begins his quest among the Kokiri, a race of forest dwellers. They look and act like children, but are ageless and immortal as long as they never leave their forest. If any Kokiri leave the forest, they will die. Link, of course, is not really a Kokiri, and is thus able to leave the forest, explore the wider world, and mature into an adult. The rest of the tribe must stay behind. Yet we see all of the Kokiri out of the forest during the end credits as Hyrule celebrates Link’s victory at Lon Lon Ranch. Given what we know, it can be assumed that the tribe has decided to end themselves by doing so. Note that the Kokiri never appear again in any later Zelda game. They probably should not have been allowed at a party full of adults anyway.
2 I’m Sure A Lot Of Guys Would Agree She’s Pretty Great
The Great Fairies are a reoccurring element throughout the Zelda series. If Link comes across her secret fountains during his travels across the land of Hyrule, he will receive aid in the form of new magic powers, armor upgrades, healing and… well, I suppose you could say ‘comfort.’ The Great Fairy of OoT is a noticeably alluring woman. When summoned by Link, the fairy comes out of her fountain essentially unclothed. She cries out in abandon and then gazes at Link in a way that can only be described as somewhat lustily, hovering over him in come-hither repose. I’m really not sure how something so explicit managed to get through in an ‘E’ rated game. It is especially shocking when Link comes to her as a child.
1 Worse Than The Stuff Of Nightmares
Ganondorf’s actions as the evil ruler of Hyrule are extreme. To get his power, he manipulates the King of Hyrule to trust him and then ends him. Once he has this power, he destroys the castle and the adjacent town, which becomes a zombie-infested wasteland. He freezes Zora’s Domain, presumably ending most of the Zoras—who are mostly absent in adult Link’s time—and wishes to end the Gorons by feeding them to the dragon Volvagia. This is some heavy subject matter for a children’s game, and quite frightening. Most Zelda games leave it at Ganon wishing to take over Hyrule for generically evil motives, but here Nintendo went all out in making the villain a realistic dictator. I’m not sure why this was necessary or desirable in a game played by eight-year-olds.
