If you don’t yet know about Super 3D Noah’s Ark then we feel very sorry for you, but also don’t really blame you. It’s one of those super obscure enigmas that will only really be known by discerning vintage game collectors and a handful of people who were in the habit of sampling Christian-themed Nintendo games whilst growing up in the ’90s.
If you have a gander at the game, the first thing you’ll notice is its striking similarities to the classic ’90s shooter Wolfenstein 3D which shook up the gaming scene at the time. That’s because for all intents and purposes, Super 3D Noah’s Ark is pretty much just a re-skin of Wolfenstein 3D, just with more goats and fewer bleeding Nazis.
The Story Of (Super 3D) Noah’s Ark
It’s no coincidence that there’s a touch of overlap between the two, though. Wisdom Tree - the folks responsible for the gem that is Super 3D Noah’s Ark - actually approached id Software - developers for Wolfenstein 3D - and paid the relevant licensing fees in order to use the Wolfenstein engine.
It’s a far more boring story than the legendary tale of the origins of Super 3D Noah’s Ark, unfortunately. Over the years, the game has gained an infamous reputation, partly fuelled by rumors of its being a kind of anti-censorship protest move against Nintendo (Wolfenstein 3D was ported to the Super Nintendo Entertainment System in 1994). This urban myth suggests id approached Wisdom Tree with the idea of creating a Noah’s Ark overhaul for Wolfenstein in response to some qualms Nintendo had over Wolfenstein’s excessive violence.
Anyway, that’s all complete twaddle according to those involved in the actual development of Noah’s Ark. After a pretty kosher interaction between id Software and Wisdom Tree, off the latter went on their mission to create their own somewhat more tame take on the Nazi shooter - drawing on none of the original’s violence but all of its mechanics to do so.
The Shady Side Of The Wisdom Tree
Unfortunately, though, the game landed up being more than a bit of a flop. Of all of the Nintendo titles developed by Wisdom Tree (other hallmark examples being Bible Adventures and Sunday Funday), Super 3D Noah’s Ark turned out to be the worst-selling of the bunch. The funny thing is, the game - which was originally released for the MS-DOS in 1994 - was also the only game known to be sold commercially in North America as an unlicensed Nintendo game, specifically for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Scandalous!
Turns out it was possible to bypass Nintendo’s efforts to steel their hardware against the likes of unlicensed games such as this one. All you needed to do after popping the Noah’s Ark cartridge into the SNES was shadily pop a second (licensed) Nintendo game into the top of that cartridge. Then you’d be all set to embark on some good clean fun!
Feed Or Die
So what did the folks at biblical video game producer Wisdom Tree do to put a more positive spin on the not-very-wholesome shooter? Pretty much just turned all the Nazis into farm animals and transformed the original objective of killing things into feeding things instead.
You, as Noah (of Ark fame), run around your sea vessel wielding a slingshot, which you use to fling bits of food directly into the hungry mouths of your farm animal companions with unparalleled skill and precision. Just like in the original tale from the Book of Genesis, obviously! Upon receiving their rations, instead of keeling over and perishing as the Wolfenstein’s Nazi guys do when you feed them their bullet-laced rations, the animals just keel over and sleep instead.
Unfortunately, Noah’s resident menagerie is a bit lacking. While one does get to cross paths with goats, sheep, oxen, and even ostriches, it’s not quite as diverse as one might have expected from old Noah. So far, that’s the sole inconsistency we can identify between the original biblical tale and Wisdom Tree’s gamified adaptation (the original also mentioned that Noah’s animals kicked him to death if they weren’t fed enough fruit via slingshot, right?).
The Legend Lives On
By now it should be a bit more clear why Super 3D Noah’s Ark deserves its esteemed status. Between the hilarious goat-fueled juxtaposition to the violence of its source of inspiration, the rumors that circulated regarding the game’s inception, and its overall obscurity, it’s become somewhat of a commodity. A copy of the 1994 cartridge can apparently even fetch up to $150.
But if you’re not willing to fork out that much even for this masterpiece, you can buy the 2015 “HD” re-release on Steam for like $4, which features modern platform support and speaks of future multiplayer features too. Can you imagine!
So there we have it - the tale of Super 3D Noah’s Ark, a game that really would add nothing of substance to your life but that is nonetheless a big deal according to the internet. And the internet is never wrong, right?
Source: LGR
